5 Top Tips for Influencing Agility
Tom Costello
(10-minute read)
“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
(Unknown)
Our world is changing. Markets are being disrupted, organisations are re-shaping and new opportunities are arising. The need for agility in the way we think and behave in organisations has never been more important.
As leaders, we need the resilience to navigate our way through these disruptive times and develop the skills and flexibility to influence others in ways that inspire, build trust and create change.
This is much easier said than done. We work with leaders internationally to help them accelerate the performance of their organisations. The challenge for so many is not in setting aspirations. Organisational values, visions and strategies abound. The challenge is in bringing them to life.
Influencing is where values come to life. Influencing is about how you get things done. It’s about conversations. It’s about how you show up in those conversations and the impact you leave.
So, what about you? How do you show up in conversations? What impact do you leave when you influence others? Are you doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?
We developed ‘The Influence Accelerator©’ to provide leaders with greater flexibility in their range of influencing behaviours.
Here are 5 Top Tips to strengthen your own influencing agility.
# 1: Be clear about your influence objective
A common pitfall is being unclear about your influence objective or what you are trying to achieve. When asked the question, what do you want to achieve, it’s common for people to give generalised answers that sound interesting yet lack clarity.
Imagine you want to meet a colleague in London, and you set your destination in your sat nav system to ‘London’. You’ll certainly arrive in London, but I doubt you’ll meet your colleague. Influencing is exactly the same.
Recently, a small group of leaders were scheduled to meet their CEO and CFO for an informal coffee chat and catch up. As we worked with them to prepare for their conversation, we asked them to describe the outcome they wanted to achieve from the conversation. After an initial wave of silence, they started to offer some initial thoughts. “Have an engaging conversation” ... “Understand what’s on their minds” ...” They listen to us”. As you can imagine, the conversation took some time to explore exactly what they wanted to achieve before we discussed their influencing approach and how they wanted to show up.
Top Tip:
Ask and answer the question, ‘What outcome do I want to achieve from this influencing situation?’ Use these additional questions to gain further clarity:
What does success look like?
What will others start doing/stop doing if I am successful?
What’s my ideal outcome and what’s the minimum I want to achieve?
When do I want this outcome to be achieved?
# 2: Are you open to influence?
A simple question, that is worth more attention.
How often have you been on the receiving end of someone asking for your opinion when it is clear they have already made up their mind and they are simply guiding you towards answers that support their own view?
There is nothing wrong with not being open to influence. What creates confusion is when you are not open to influence, but you give the impression you are.
This is a common pitfall. Confusion soon leads to lack of trust and before you know it, your influencing reputation is damaged as people become guarded and suspicious of your motives.
The more open you are to influence from others, the more opportunity you have to engage people in discussion, genuinely exploring their perspectives and ideas, their concerns and doubts. This type of dialogue builds commitment.
Top tip:
Challenge yourself to stay open to influence and you’ll create more opportunity to build commitment and engage people as you influence them. If you decide you are not open to influence, be open and honest about it.
# 3: Choose your influencing energy
There are three types of energy you can use when you are influencing:
Push energy: where you direct others based on your own views, opinions, wants or
expectations
Pull energy: where you ask questions and listen to understand what others are thinking
and feeling
Join energy: where you find and name areas of common ground and build a positive
vision of the future together
All three energies are essential to skilful influencing. However, most of us have a preference - the one we default to, particularly under pressure. Which is yours? Favouring one type of energy can become an overused strength.
I am coaching a CEO who has had feedback that they are too dominant and controlling. As we explored how they managed different influencing conversations, it became increasingly apparent that they used predominantly push strategies backed up with join energy. Unfortunately, the join energy wasn’t experienced by others as join energy. Each time the CEO named common ground, others experienced this as controlling the conversation. Further discussions with key stakeholders highlighted that the lack of pull energy was having a far greater impact than the way they were using their push or join energy. This is a common dynamic for many leaders. The antidote to being too strong or dominant in expressing views and opinions is not to stop expressing your views and opinions, it is to start listening to what others have to say. The difference is vast.
Top tip:
Flexibility is key. Experiment with all three influencing energies in your conversations. Notice when you’re staying too long in any one influencing energy, and then simply move to a different energy.
# 4: Listening does not mean agreeing or disagreeing
Most leaders know that listening is important. Most know they need to get better at it. And most, in the heat of the conversation, don’t do it. They don’t want to back down, particularly when they know they are right, and the other person is wrong! They think that listening comes across as backing down. This is understandable if you hold a belief that listening means agreeing with someone else’s view.
The surprising reality for many, is that it is possible to listen to another person’s different view or opinion without agreeing or disagreeing with them. Listening is neutral...or at least it can be, when you know how to do it.
If I acknowledge what you have said, I give no indication whether I agree or disagree with you. The phrase “So Tom, what you’re saying is....is that right?” let’s the person know you’ve heard what they said, without any judgement about their view.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with agreeing or disagreeing. In fact, it is a very healthy part of any conversation. However, if you want to listen to someone and let them know you are genuinely interested, curious and value their opinion, then you’d do well to acknowledge their views, accurately, and with a neutral tone in your voice. If you do this, they will feel heard, and will likely be more open to your influence.
Top tip:
Practice! Choose an upcoming, straightforward conversation with a colleague. Have a go at using the following phrase, just once, in the conversation. “So... (their name) ... what you’re saying is... (paraphrase what they have said) ...is that right?”
Don’t overdo it – if you do people will likely ask why you keep repeating everything they say. Choose to practice in a few different conversations and notice what happens. You might be surprised to hear people opening up a lot more and being more open to listening to you.
# 5: Plan and rehearse for success
We plan for big presentations, for sales pitches, for progress reports, but we rarely plan for influencing, choosing instead to ‘wing it’ from meeting to meeting. ‘Winging it’ just gets you through a meeting. It doesn’t stretch, challenge or inspire others to achieve the most important goals. Planning and rehearsing for success is exactly that...planning and rehearsing for success.
Back to the coffee meeting with the CEO and CFO. The group of leaders recognised pretty quickly how unprepared they were. Their silent responses were uncomfortable reactions. They were glad to have experienced these reactions in our planning meeting, rather than in the actual meeting with the CEO and CFO. They had the chance to do something about it, and they did.
Over the next few days, they each worked out a clear outcome and exactly how they wanted to manage the conversation. They decided a strong summary of the CEO’s recent video message at the start would create a positive and genuinely curious frame of mind for everyone. They also reflected on what they saw as the most pressing and important issues needing attention and that they themselves wanted to influence to help the business achieve its ambitious goals. One leader contacted me the night before they were due to meet to test their approach. I could feel their energy and in particular their focus. This wasn’t nervous energy, this was positive, upbeat and confident energy. The following day, they had one of the most rewarding, challenging and valuable conversations as a collective leadership group.
Top tip:
Plan and rehearse for success:
Outcome: identify a positive outcome from the conversation
Mindset: Adopt a positive mindset
Influence energy: Push...Pull...Join. Plan how you will start the conversation ...and
remember to change energy
Listen: Paraphrase key statements using the phrase “So, what you’re saying is...is that
right?”
Picture success: Imagine you have achieved your outcome. Describe what success looks
and sounds like at the end of the meeting
Influencing others is a dynamic process. There is no one way to do it. Every situation is different, and every person is different in the way they show up each day. I hope these 5 tips help you in your influence conversations. Even more importantly, stay curious, enjoy the interaction and be willing to learn.
Tom Costello is a founding partner at Leadership Mindset Partners. He works internationally with leaders to develop their Leadership Presence and Impact. He is a lead facilitator on the ‘Influencing with Impact Masterclass’, one of six Masterclasses from Leadership Mindset Partners.