Disrupt and Rethink

The joy of being wrong, the power of inverse charisma and the strength of uncertain conviction

Lynn Harris

6-minute read

A highly disruptive world demands leaders who can adapt their style and respond to the needs of a changing workplace. The ability to evolve our leadership style demands the ability to challenge our deeply held mindsets and behaviours - but how do we do this? One creative and fun way is to use provocative contradictions - the juxtaposition of two apparently contradictory concepts that capture our attention and provoke us to think more deeply and behave differently. This article explores three such apparent contradictions: The Joy of Being Wrong, The Power of Inverse Charisma and The Strength of Uncertain Conviction. Let’s start with the Joy of Being Wrong.

The Joy of Being Wrong

Is it possible to find joy in being wrong? And if it is possible, how does it provoke better leadership behaviours?

When we are wrong about an idea or assumption that isn’t very important to us, we are often willing or even excited to accept and explore it. Our reaction might be something like “whoa, I wasn’t expecting that” or “wow, that’s pretty cool!” However, if our core beliefs or deeply held opinions are questioned, we often shut down or become defensive. Neuroscience provides an explanation for why we do this. Our brain interprets attacks on our core beliefs similarly to threats to our physical safety. When our strongly held beliefs are questioned, our natural human tendency is to either avoid the threat by staying within our safe bubble of people who think just like us; or defend (sometimes aggressively) what we are sure is true.

As leaders, indulging this tendency has a number of downsides: we ignore learning opportunities that will enable us to continuously adapt our leadership style to changing circumstances; we make poorer decisions due to incomplete knowledge and understanding; and we find it more difficult to connect and collaborate with others as we dig-in and preach our own opinions.

Leadership challenge:

Reflect on the reality that we are all wrong some of the time (I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you). Some of the things we think we know are, in fact, wrong or incomplete. When you find yourself in a situation where you are wrong, instead of becoming defensive, try thinking or saying “Fantastic – an opportunity to learn something new!”

Experiment with a mindset of intellectual humility: expect, accept and admit that you might be wrong in just about any situation. See it as an opportunity to experience the joy of learning something new. Imagine yourself reacting the same way in which Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel Prize-winning psychologist, does when he discovers that he is wrong: His eyes lit up, and a huge grin appeared on his face. “That was wonderful,” he said, “I was wrong.” He genuinely enjoys discovering that he was wrong, because it means he is now less wrong than before.(1)

Listen to this stimulating and entertaining podcast: Malcolm Gladwell Questions Everything

The Power of Inverse Charisma

In organisations where I consult and coach, leaders often receive feedback that they need to develop ‘more charisma.’ When I investigate what this means, it’s usually something like more extraversion, higher energy, and more motivational engagement. But are these the only sources of charisma, or even those best suited to today’s workplace? Maybe it’s an opportune time to rethink and experiment with Inverse Charisma.

Inverse Charisma is the magnetic quality of a great listener(2). A leader with Inverse Charisma is more interested in the person they are listening to than they are in themselves. Rather than trying to communicate to look smart, they listen with such skill and intensity that they bring out the best in others.

This type of charisma and intense listening can be pretty rare. Among managers rated as the worst listeners by their employees, 94 percent of them evaluated themselves as good or very good listeners (3). In one poll carried out by USA Today, a third of women said their pets were better listeners than their partners (4).

Experimenting with Inverse Charisma and observing the impact it has on others might lead you to expand the type of charisma you most need as a leader.

Leadership challenge:

Reflect on the popular assumption that charisma is about extraverted energy and being the center of attention. Can it also be about being present and listening deeply to draw people to you? Observe others who you think have Inverse Charisma and notice their impact.

Experiment with your attention. Place your digital devices out of sight, pay full attention to the person you are with and listen twice as much as you talk. If this is unusual behaviour for you, start with short periods of time and work up (or if you have young children, practice on them – they love it!)

Watch this 4-minute video by John Izzo on Reverse Charisma and try his recommendations.

The Strength of Uncertain Conviction

A few months ago, a best friend and colleague, with some exasperation in his voice, gave me the following feedback: Lynn, you express your views with such certainty and conviction.

If I had taken his words at face-value I might have been tempted to think this was a good thing. After all, I’ve spent a lifetime reaping the benefits of appearing confident, certain and self-assured. But the tone in his voice left no doubt that this was not meant as a strength or a compliment. What it meant in reality was that sometimes I’m frustrating to work with because I appear to have already made up my mind and I’m not open to changing it – not a particularly attractive quality when you are collaborating and building a business together. Also, not particularly self-aware on my part given what we’ve already said about The Joy of Being Wrong.

In his book Originals (5), Adam Grant recommends having strong opinions, weakly held. He’s now rethought this (and, in doing so, I suspect experienced The Joy of Being Wrong). He now thinks that Communicating with some uncertainty signals confident humility, invites curiosity, and leads to a more nuanced discussion (6). This is what I think my friend and colleague was trying to tell me and why I’ve been experimenting with Uncertain Conviction (especially when I think I’m right!).

Leadership challenge:

Reflect on the assumption that to get what you want you need to present your arguments and opinions with strong certainty and confidence. Is it more likely that you will invite others towards your ideas if you present them with enough uncertainty to encourage curiosity and discussion?

Experiment with your language: If you are in the habit of presenting your views and ideas with words that transmit certainty, such as, we should…, I want to…, I don’t want to…, what we need to do is… Try playing around with some different words, such as, I’m wondering if we should…, perhaps it might work if we…, we could do this…, what do you think? Observe the impact – does it invite more curiosity and lead to more nuanced discussion?

Read this article on The Power of Doubt to stimulate further re-thinking on the benefits of Uncertain Conviction.

The Joy of Being Wrong, The Power of Inverse Charisma and The Strength of Uncertain Conviction are all apparent contradictions that can stimulate personal disruption. How willing are you to disrupt and rethink your current mindsets and leadership style?

Lynn Harris is a founding Partner of Leadership Mindset Partners

www.leadershipmindsetpartners.com

1 Adam Grant: Think Again. The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know

2 Adam Grant: Think Again. The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know

3 Judi Brownell. Perceptions of effective listeners: A Management Study

4 Poll: 1 in 3 women say pets listen better than husbands. USA Today, April 30, 2010

5 Adam Grant: Originals. How Non-Conformists Move the World

6 Adam Grant: Think Again. The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know